The Human Slaking
by Overlord Kog
Summary: A totally unprepared trainer banished from his home, a Kirlia with a complex, and a whole region of pokemon just waiting to eat/harm/injure said trainer as he ventures across the land. Join this odd duo in what will surely be a tale for the ages.


**A/N:** First attempt at a pokemon fic. Because, pbbbbbtttttthhhh, why the hell not? This doesn't take place in any canon region from the shows/game/anime/whatever. All me, baby. Though I may mention them. Italics within quotes are the Kirlia speaking; or thinking rather, without quotes notes characters, pokemon or human, thinking. All so, no idea where this fic could head. I write on the fly.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own pokemon. Well, I do own the games, but that's...that's not like, the same deal here. I do own the characters of Tosh, and any other non-canon characters that may appear within though.

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><p>"That boy is a human Slaking I tell you!" A thunderous shout echoed from a small, average two-story house situated in an equally small and average town.<p>

"He's not that bad." A second voice tried to reassure, with little success.

"He's been sleeping twelve hours! What, is a Snorlax a more fitting comparison?" The first voice continued to rip into this yet seen young man. The voice itself turned out to belong to an older woman in her early-to mid 30's.

"He's nowhere close to that heavy." The second voice chuckled a bit at the thought. The other voice was that of an older man, perhaps in his mid 30's, reading the newspaper.

"Why do I even bother arguing with you?" The woman said in a somewhat defeated tone. "I'll deal with this myself! Today's the day that boy gets something done!" With that proclamation she stormed off upstairs.

"Yes dear…" The man trailed off and went back to his paper.

A small, soft ray of sunlight crept through a pair of dull blue curtains and shone across a tranquil sleeping figure situated in a simple nondescript bed. The figure was at complete peace under the loving covers of his bed. Dreaming a simple dream, no doubt. Life at that point could not get any more perfect.

"Everything changes today, young man!"

And peace at that moment shattered into a million pieces with that battle cry.

With a swift kick the shouting woman bust open the sleeping figures bedroom door and stormed in like mad berserker. She eyed the figure in bed and charged towards it. She gripped the sheets of the bed and tore them off, revealing the figure hidden underneath: a still-sleeping young man with soft brown hair all a-tussle. With a quiet yawn and almost cat-like stretch of his limbs the figure cracked open one green-eye to see the fuming woman overhead.

"Uh, good morning mom." The young man said somewhat sheepishly.

"Try afternoon. _Well_ into the afternoon." A slight twitch could be seen playing at the woman's right eye.

"Yeah… Uh, late night, I guess. I was busy-"

"Busy with what? Hmm?" The mother cut off her son and glared at him, knowing an excuse was coming.

"Busy…with…looking for a job. Yeah, that's it. A job. I wasn't goofing off in the slightest." He said with a none-to-convincing headshake.

_Smack_

"Oww. You know, I'm getting a little to old for you to be smacking in the head." The bed headed young man rubbed the slight lump that was starting to form on his head.

"When you actually try and act your age maybe then I'll stop. Now, get out of this bed and downstairs. We have a lot to talk about." With that the now-only-slightly-irate mother headed back downstairs, but stopped at the doorway one more time. "And take a shower first. Smells like a Stunky died in here, Tosh." She closed the door behind her to leave Tosh to his business.

With a heavy sigh Tosh rested back into his bed and dreaded what was coming. Whenever his mother said the word "talk" he knew a long lecture was to follow. A long, boring, pointless lecture. How much longer could she pull these "talks"? He was already 17. He figured it be _that_ particular lecture this time around. His mother's favorite. With another sigh Tosh pushed himself out of bed and towards his bathroom, no pointing in delaying the inevitable. After his clean-up session, and changing into a comfortable pair of slightly faded denim jeans and a loose-fitting black t-shirt with a Gengar face plastered across it, Tosh trudged downstairs like a man going to the gallows. Seeing that his parents weren't in the living he walked to the kitchen, maybe he could get some breakfast first before the barrage of words coming his way.

"Mornin' son." Tosh's father greeted his son warmly from the breakfast table as he still read the paper.

"Morning dad." Tosh said as he patted his father on the shoulder as he took a seat at the table.

There was delicious looking plate of bacon setting at the center of the table along with some toast to the side. Smacking his lips Tosh quickly slapped together a sandwich and took a large bite out of it. He was oblivious to his mother's stare on his back.

"Now that you've eaten it's time for this talk." His mother seemed to come out of nowhere, she did that sometimes.

Tosh slapped at his chest as he tried to not choke on his sandwich. He never was use to those sudden appearances. Taking a seat at the table his mother crossed her arms over her chest and waited for the slapping spasm to cease.

"Finished?" She asked.

"Y-Yeah. Stop with the appearing outta nowhere. Weirds me out."

"Now Tosh, your father and I have really put a lot of thought into this and well we've decided that you need to do something with your life." All the while his mother was talking his father was peeking out from behind his paper and shaking his head 'no'. Dad always did make sure to separate himself from his wife's decisions.

"Well I-" He was cut off again.

"And we think its high time you started your pokemon journey. To continue the family tradition. You quit before you even began all those years ago, for whatever reason. And you were so excited. That lazy streak kicked in it seems. A shame, I think. You always did seem to have a way with pokemon." His mother actually smiled a bit.

Tosh was right in a way. This was the lecture he was expecting, but it was slightly off. He was getting an odd feeling about where it was heading.

"So until you've at least gotten half-way through the gyms we're kicking you out." His mother said sweetly and smiled again though this time it seemed ominous.

Tosh was slack jawed as he tried to process the information. His frozen form was rather comical, his jaw to the table and eyes staring at something seemingly miles away. His happy life, perhaps.

"I've already taken the liberty of getting some of the essentials in order." His mother was a whirlwind of activity at that moment springing from her seat and decking out Tosh in the things he'd need for the trip. Not that he heard a word of it. Something about a backpack, pokeballs, and a town map.

He didn't even notice he was outside the house and till the door slammed shut behind him. He snapped back to reality in that moment.

"Wait… What the hell just happened?" He asked to nobody in particular.

He started to pound on the front door and raise a ruckus. A window on the second floor opened up and his mother's head popped out.

"Yeeees? Can I help you?" She seemed to be enjoying this…

"Yeah, let me back in the hou-"

"You gotten through half the gyms yet?" Third time he was cut off.

"Of course not! Is that what I have to do? I zoned out when you sprang this whole 'kicked out' deal on me."

"That it is. Come back when that's done and maybe I'll let you back in." His mother was playing with her hair and not really paying him much attention. "Till then this shop is closed, sir." She closed the window and ignored the continued pounding at the door.

Tired and utterly defeated Tosh slumped against the door and stared at the ground. Did she really expect him to get through at least half the gyms? He heard what sounded like multiple locks clicking into place behind him. Mom was dead serious it seemed. What choice did he have? He didn't really have friends to stay at. No other relatives besides… No, there was no one else. Backed into a corner.

Quietly he hefted the backpack to the ground in front of him and rummaged through it. He quickly found what he was looking for: the town map. It wasn't to far to the next town, though it lacked a gym from the looks of it. It was the town after that featured a gym. Already this was becoming a hassle. Not to mention… Tosh caught sight of the pokeballs at the bottom of the bag. He'd have to catch some pokemon first before he could even attempt a gym. He grabbed the poke balls and affixed them to his belt. Taking one last look at his house Tosh headed out of Rosette Town to Route 1. Maybe he'd get lucky and catch some uber-powerful pokemon and just sweep the gyms. Yeah, and maybe he'd sprout wings and fly. As Tosh walked to Route 1 he thought of one thing:

"Look out Zol, here comes the world's most unprepared trainer."

How hard could this possibly be? They send out 10 year olds to do it…

6 hours he'd been walking on Route 1 and he had nothing to show for it. Except for Taillow peck marks, Bbeedrill stings, Snubull bites, and Buizel scratches. He was proud of the fact he only cried once. Well, it was more like 3 times. And more pathetic bawling than crying. After those little episodes Tosh was seated underneath a large evergreen, tending to his latest wound. As he sat there he stared up at the hazy orange sky, the stars already starting to show slightly. His thoughts drifted to something his mother said:

_You always did seem to have a way with pokemon._

Maybe he did once, when he was younger, but that talent seemed to of faded. His injuries seemed to prove that. A sigh escaped his lips again as he lamented his present fate. At this rate he'd never be able to go back home. His depressed musings were interrupted when he heard a rustling in the tall grass behind him. He fought his feeling to cower in a fetal position. Knowing his luck it was a Nidoking rampaging towards him. A few tense moments passed as the rustling grew closer and closer and Tosh imagined worst and worst scenarios. Finally the rustling stopped as whatever it was that was running through the thicket broke through and panted heavily. It didn't sound like a Nidoking or Ursaring. Tosh gulped hard and wished he was invisible or maybe some nice camouflage powers. Gathering up a bit of courage Tosh decided if he was going to die he'd like to see the creature that would do it. As stealthily as possible, not easy when shaking like a leaf, Tosh peeked out from behind the tree and was both surprised and relived to see nothing there. But it was short-lived when he heard soft breathing in his ears. Suppressing a scream Tosh glanced around and was confused when nothing was to be seen, but that sound of breathing was still clearly audible.

It was then that Tosh glanced downwards to the base of the tree and saw who the breathing belonged to. It was a small white-bodied creature that looked like it was wearing a ballet dress or something. It's head was a lovely shade of blue with two red horn-like objects protruding from it. The lower body shared the coloring of the head; an excellent blue color. The legs were so tiny. Tosh recognized this pokemon. Kira? No, that wasn't it. Kremlin? Not even close. Kirlia? That sounded like the answer. But Kirlia's were green. At least that's what Tosh remembered. He had never actually seen one. Kirlia's and it's former evolution; Ralts, and it's future form; Gardevoir , were exceedingly rare in Zol. And something told Tosh that a blue one would be even more so.

After shaking himself out of his gawking stupor of the seemingly sleeping Kirlia Tosh decided then and there that he would catch it. Past experiences being ignored or mentally blocked for years to come.

"But how to catch it?" Tosh asked himself. He tapped his chin as he thought. Normally he'd use his own pokemon to fight this one and, bam, it be done. But he naturally lacked a pokemon of his own as of now. Real catch-22 there.

The unlucky trainer looked around for something, anything, to use. That's when he saw a nice sized rock next to his foot. That would do the job, he hoped. He remembered that a slightly injured pokemon was easier to catch. Taking the stone in hand Tosh got into position, he hovered the rock over the Kirlia's head. Not high enough to seriously injure her, but enough to make it woozy. He licked his lips as he counted down in his head. The moment he got to 1 he let go of the stone, and in slow motion, the stone fell towards the Kirlia, who at the same moment Tosh dropped the rock, opened it's eyes and saw the stone just briefly enough before it slammed into it's face. Things were silence for a few seconds as the rock slide from the Kirlia's face to the ground. It landed with a thud as Tosh saw that his planned had seemed to work. The Kirlia's eyes were little more than swirls of confusion. Taking advantage of this Tosh quickly grabbed a ball from belt and tossed it at the stunned Kirlia and when the ball hit the pokemon became a red energy that shot into the ball.

The ball landed on the ground softly and rocked back and forth a few times. Tosh had his fingers crossed. He let out the breath he had been holding in when the ball stopped moving and he heard the tall-tale ding letting him know he had just caught his first pokemon. The squeal of joy that came from Tosh would be one most would consider downright girlish, luckily there wasn't a soul around. Tosh dashed over to the ball resting on the ground and scooped it up in hands. He, again in a far too girly of a way, rubbed the capsule up against his cheek sweetly and cooed reassurances to himself that maybe this wouldn't be so bad. The young trainer eagerly wanted to meet his first catch and with a simple motion he tossed the ball into the air and watched excitedly as it cracked open and the red stream of energy poured out.

And there it stood; his stepping stone to greatness if all went well. Tosh happily bounded around the Kirlia inspecting it closely while stars seemed to flutter about his head, though the Kirlia itself looked none too pleased at the situation.

"You are just the cutest thing!" Tosh gushed as he continued to circle around the pokemon. "So blue and tiny!"

A vein seemed to pop up over one of the Kirlia's eye and it seemed to be gritting its teeth. Tosh was oblivious to the rising anger. Unexpectedly Tosh slide his hands under the pokemon's arms and lifted up like a child. That vein on the Kirlia's head seemed to bulge up even bigger.

"Who's a pretty girl!" Tosh babbled in semi-baby talk.

The moment the word girl was mentioned a horribly dark aura surround the Kirlia and its eyes seemed the roll back into its head. Again, Tosh, the ever-vigilant observer, failed to notice the killing intent in the air.

"_That's it… Who are you calling a pretty girl, you moron?_"

The voice came from nowhere but seemed to come from everywhere at once. Tosh snapped from his blissfully ignorant stupor and wildly looked around for the source, but he seriously hoped he wouldn't find it. After seeing nothing Tosh's thoughts turned to a none to pleasant possibility. Slowly his head turned back to the Kirlia, creaking as he did so and with sweat pouring off his forehead. When his eyes settled back on the pokemon one of its eyes slipped back down and stared at him. Well, more though him and into the very depths of his soul than actually him. With a shriek Tosh stumbled backwards and fell roughly on his hind-end. Normal logic would dictate the Kirlia would have fallen with him but this was not a normal day by all reasoning. The Kirlia hung there in the air, its dark, purple aura still radiating of its small body and its eyes bloodshot and stark white after the former iris that dipped down earlier shot back up. Quietly and slowly it floated down to the ground. When it landed it remained still for a moment before it took a slow and deliberate step towards Tosh, who was scrambling on his hands and rear to scoot away as fast as possible.

He slammed into the same tree that had previously his sanctuary. He shook in terror and his teeth chattered as the Kirlia drew closer and closer, that aura seeming to grow darker and more malevolent with every second. After what seemed like an eternity the pokemon was directly in front of its "master" and still glaring a hole through him with its dead, white eyes. It raised one of its small, delicate-looking hands and placed it on Tosh's shoulder. Again, an eye rolled back into place like a machine and was accompanied with a ghastly cracking sound.

"_Weeeeeeeeeeell? Answer my question, master… Who's a pretty girl?_"

Tosh knew he was right in his previous thinking. The voice was from the Kirlia, or rather, the Kirlia's mind. Telepathy, if he remembered right. Psychic types like Kirlia were said to have it, but no hard evidence was available. Not that any of this thinking was doing Tosh any good. He was unconscious, bubbles foaming out of his mouth, while his skin was a deathly blue, though not quite the same shade as his Kirlia's.

What a horrible nightmare. Tosh had dreamed that he had been kicked out of his warm, cozy home and forced to endure an abysmal journey where everything was out to kill him as painfully as possible and that Kirlia… But that was just a bad dream, a figment of his imagination. There was no psychopathic Kirlia out for his life. Tosh chuckled softly as he woke up. This would be one nice story to tell the folks and the people he knew online. As his eyes opened his world came crashing down around him. Again. The Kirlia was hovering over his face looking passively at him. But functioning on pure instinct Tosh shot up and backed away from his nightmare in the flesh. He held up his arms to shield himself and trembled all over with his eyes slammed shut.

"_Are you all right? You seem a little high-strung._"

It was the voice again, but it sounded different, less…maniacal. Cautiously opening one eye Tosh peeked through his arms at the cause of his steadily declining mental health. It did seem different. No aura of pure hate or eyes of the devil himself, just a Kirlia, granted a bored and slightly embarrassed looking Kirlia, but a Kirlia none the less. Slowly Tosh picked himself up off the ground and dusted off his dirtied blue-jean covered back-end. He made a few small steps towards his pokemon, who just stood there looking back at its owner simply. When he was close enough Tosh knelt down and looked over the Kirlia again.

"You…can talk." He stammered.

"_In a way, yeah, I can. Uh, listen, I think I should, you know, apologize," _the Kirlia was sheepishly rubbing its arm and looking at the ground. It was almost cute again._ "For how I acted earlier._"

"Earlier?" Tosh blinked a few times trying to remember then he wished he didn't. A small dribble of snot trickled out of his nose and beads of sweat started to form. "It's-it's-it's o-o-o-o-o-k…"

"_No, it's not. I'm not normally like that. It's just you pushed one of my buttons a bit too much._" The Kirlia explained.

"Button? What kinda button could a little cutie girl like you have?" Tosh dared to beam just a little.

The aura was suddenly back and the temperature seemed to drop a few points. Tosh turned to stone, his happy face still frozen into place. But the aura died down quickly and the Kirlia sighed.

"_Sorry, sorry. But THAT. That's my button. I hate, HATE, being called…cute. But even more than that I can't stand being called a girl._" The pokemon's aura seemed to be seeping out of its head ever-so slightly.

"But why? Unless…wait, you're a boy?" Tosh said incredulously. "But I thought-"

"_Bingo. I'm a male. And no, my species is not entirely female. Seriously, you humans. The ideas you come up with._" The Kirlia waved a hand in the air.

"A male Kirlia? That must be tough. With looking so cu-I mean, looking the way you do." Tosh quickly saved himself from mentioning the dreaded C word.

"_You have no idea…_" the Kirlia seemed to be miles away when he spoke in that instance. "_Anyways, I apologize for my…attitude and reducing you to a blubbering mess._" the pokemon offered its hand to its trainer. A sign of goodwill, perhaps?

Tosh looked down at the little blue hand and couldn't help but smile a bit. He gently took the Kirlia's hand in his and shook it gently, truly a touching moment between trainer and pokemon. Naturally it didn't last very long. The handshake was staring to last a bit too long along with the smile on the Kirlia's face. Tosh nervously laughed and tried to pull away slightly which just caused the grip on his hand to grow tighter. The Kirlia just continued to smile and hold on for dear life. At that point Tosh could hear a slight whistling noise in the air and it was getting closer. He looked up and saw the rock just briefly before it smashed into his face.

"_That's for hitting ME in the face with a damn rock! Honestly, what the hell was that about?_" the pokemon mentally yelled in annoyance.

The tears streaming down Tosh's face loosened the rock enough that it easily fell to the ground below. The "trainer" collapsed to his knees and did his best to bury his head in the dirt.

"I so just want to go home…" Tosh whined, his voice muffled by the dirt.

The Kirlia just rolled its eyes and sighed.


End file.
